With the increasing concerns over the impact of consumerism on the environment, we hear more about the piles of unwanted plastic and clothes found on the shores, with the World Bank linking the apparel and textile industry as a main case of water pollution and potential cause for the microplastics found in the aquaculture, some of which a lot of us consume and hence have in our own bodies (Forbes.com). 

Therefore, there is a balance that needs to be made between replacing old things and getting new ones. I do hope that over time we all think a bit more about our individual decisions to obtain new things and how we feel about them before we buy them, to try and minimise waste and of course, the guilt or regret. Or can we try to be more content with what we already have? ​

When we travel to new places, we could be faced with trying to understand and learn new words in new languages, differences in how people speak, behave, eat and drink or party. We can become open to learning and opening our minds to new cultures, religions and even how the landscapes of different parts of the world vary, from the canyons in Colca Canyon in Peru to the Kalahari Desert in Africa, to the Himalayas in Asia. 

We are also exposed to learning about the history of these new places and how things were in the olden days, what people of the countries went through to appreciate how they have evolved. 

​There’s often excitement when you meet new people with whom you have things in common with or had really interesting conversations or fun experiences with. Whether those new connections and relationships are formed and sustained is one thing, but they're probably not comparable with our good old friends. My ‘old friends’ (not by age) make me feel like I’m at home, I am very much my authentic self around them, and I don't need to explain myself as often. Sometimes we don’t even need to talk, and we communicate! Having said that, I think it's healthy to keep an open mind to meeting new people, but also appreciate and make time for our old ones. 

If and when we choose to enter a new romantic relationship we could feel hope, excitement, joy or even confusion, doubt, comparison with others. While we learn about this new person, we try to understand who they are, how we feel about them - while they do the same, and over time we realise how compatible we are with them (or not). There's also an adjustment period of getting used to the newness, differences and commonalities.

Maybe your first love (if applicable) or the "love of your life" from the past has left an impression on you for a while, or for a long time, or you had forgotten about them completely until you read this. While reflecting on an old flame can remind us of what we have learnt, we should try not to dwell in the past. The more we can focus on the present, the more we can learn about the people in our lives now, based on who we are today. And if your first love is your current love today, that’s great. But if not, you probably learnt a thing or two about yourself. 

Unlike possessions, we can't buy and sell relationships (well, not the good ones at least). We could build relationships over time, with hope, honesty, trust, respect, shared experiences and mutual goals. Old and new relationships don't need to be mutually exclusive... in most cases!

Finding a new job can be daunting but also exciting if it's the right role for us, and if we understand what the job could entail.

As a graduate, my key motivator to look for a job was: to have a job and get paid. 

However, finding a new job and changing roles after some time in our careers could be a big deal as we may feel like we have more at stake, especially if we’ve spent time and effort building connections, networks, credibility, friends… so the decision can be one that requires regular review and a “CBA” (cost benefit analysis).
 
If we have a job that makes us unhappy or not challenged professionally for a long period of time, the thought of a new job could be appealing.  Whereas, if and when we are comfortable in our current jobs, we could periodically check-in with ourselves to see if the current job fulfils us versus the potential benefits of a new one, depending on the job market and how we are meeting the needs of other aspects of our lives. While there may be familiarity in the current job, there may be new and exciting opportunities in a new one. It's certainly not a decision to make in haste. 

If you work for any entity at the moment, in a previous article about 'work-life' balance, I highlighted some key areas to check-in on your current levels of satisfaction in your job: 

1. Your impact: Do you feel like you experience personal growth in your role and contribute on a regular basis to the goals and needs of the team and company? 
2. Belonging: Can you take ownership of tasks and projects, and do you feel part of a team and are you engaged? 
3. Well-being: Do you have job security, financial security, a work-life balance and good allowance to maintain your mental and physical health? 

 
And if these seem like too much work, maybe we just need to go with our gut feel to stick with the 'old' and known or look into the 'new' and unfamiliar, but possibly exciting. 

On Channel 4 there's a show called 'Naked Attraction' which at first, made my jaw drop while mindlessly changing the TV channels. But when I thought about it, there was something liberating about the show. For those not familiar, it's a dating show where one person gets to see others in their 'birthday suits', one section at a time, bottom up. Irrespective of whether that's an effective way to find love, I thought it's a brilliant way to illustrate how different people's bodies are, with age, race, gender, genetics, personal choices on tattoos, grooming, piercing etc. Everyone is so unique and the brave souls going on this show are embracing it. 

I also enjoy watching the show 'Botched' - where some people want a new nose, new implants, new lips... or a whole new body. Whereas their existing bodies were often perfectly functional, and probably healthier. Obviously, some people need professional help to fix physical conditions that are affecting their lives more negatively, which is understandable, but evidently everyone has a different classification of needs. 

With the more frequent aches and pains in my back, shoulders, knees, hips even in my mid-thirties, I find myself increasingly grateful for when I am able to be mobile and do things I enjoy, such as: going for a nice walk, swim or cycle, or just be able to move around without constraints.

If we keep thinking of what we lack in our bodies, instead of what we are blessed to have, we could find ourselves feeling more fulfilled, grateful, confident and prepared for the transitions our bodies naturally make as we grow older... and hopefully embrace them through childhood, adolescence and adulthood. 

When we go through different phases of life, from birth to death to gains to losses, relocation or changes in responsibilities, we could reflect on how we have grown from who and how we were before and what the transitions to new phases could have taught us. 

I remember whenever I joined a new school (which was quite frequent, as we moved around a lot due to my father's job), I had to face unfamiliarity, a level of nervousness and not knowing if I would make friends, if my classmates and teachers would like me, would I "fit in"? I still have a sudden flashback to that feeling, a pang of anxiety, when I go to a large social event where I don't know many people, or a new job, or join a tour with a group of strangers when travelling. Despite the initial discomfort, I found it useful to allow myself to accept my feelings and fears and slowly ease myself into conversations, without forcing anything. Adapting to new people has been something I learnt from these situations and phases. 

Going back to relationships, those who go into relationships or come out of one, most often go into facing changes in routine, priorities, social plans. People who become parents or even get a new pet could face similar challenges on top of added responsibilities and even limitations to what they used to be able to do before then, such as get enough sleep! People who have retired, could wonder what to do with their extra time and find new projects or finally think about spending time doing things they love and spend their savings and pension money on. 

No matter what phase we go into, if we could try to look at our old phases as 'lessons' or steppingstones to where we are or will be, we could accept the old and the new versions of us on a more regular basis. 

I hope we can look at the old and new versions of many aspects in our lives with an open mind, have gratitude for what we had and have, try to be adaptable and keep learning.  
 
We can learn from both the old and the new, no matter what or whom that applies to. 

distance
/ˈdɪst(ə)ns/
noun

1. the length of the space between two points (or individuals) 

That’s the boring part covered and I very much doubt you will use the word 'displacement' in your next conversation, so I would like to share what I think about the implications of distance. I have had plenty of time over the last year and half to think and periodically, consider the meaning of this particular word.

'Social distancing' became a frequently used term last year, to keep a safe space between yourself and other people who are not from your household, as a prevention measure to help stop spreading diseases such as Covid-19. Many of us around the world would have experienced being in the same city or neighbourhood as loved ones, yet not being able to see them, hug them or be around them. Hugging or being close to loved ones would have come naturally to many of us, yet we had to think of the greater good and sometimes wave from outside our homes instead. 

Even the thought of a five minute walk to the supermarket felt like the equivalent of a fifty minute walk, purely because of the burden my mind would carry about other factors like coming across other people, not contracting the virus from somewhere, etc. which are all beyond the actual physical distance in question.

​The emotional burden was real. ​

I’m going to go all 'millennial' and caveat my following statements with how we should aim to find a fine balance between conquering big and small travel distances with more environmental friendly means of transport, especially when travelling for leisure. You can have a look at your own carbon footprint here on the WWF website. 
 
For instance to get to from London to Scotland is around 400 miles of physical distance. But in terms of travel distance and time: 

• Plane: 1 hour 
• Train: 4-5 hours 
• Car: 7-8 hours 
• Cycle: 1-2 days 
• Boat: N/A
  
• Walk (please don’t): 5-6 days 

 
After a year like 2020, many companies around the world are looking to replace a significant portion of the meetings with video calls, which would minimise business travel. The carbon footprint of flying via plane is probably the worst out of all of the alternatives, however when people are time-poor it’s a choice that needs to be made. 
 
Having said that, there still are questions over whether virtual meetings could ever replace real-life interactions made between colleagues, clients and other humans in general. It’s obviously (and hopefully in most cases) not about physical touch, but about seeing “real” reactions, body language, having informal discussions and more that are less evident virtually. ​

The same could be applied for leisure travel and personal holidays. 

This takes me back to my memories of those long bus journeys on my travels in South East Asia, between Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. 
 
Every other day we would all hop on to the big tour bus and move on to another city or town, packing and unpacking. These long distances were covered with activities such as sleeping or staring out of the window, chatting, listening to music, drinking, playing UNO and so on. As long as we had access to some form of entertainment and/or good company, time “flew”. When we were hungover, feeling too hot or unwell, tired then the journey seemed endless. 

This is also something to consider when travelling solo or with others, whether you're more of an introvert or extrovert, how much time you like to yourself and when you start getting bored. 
 
As humans continue to innovate, creating more efficient ways to travel, communicate, teleport, or even using VR (virtual reality) glasses to give people real-life experiences through vision and sound (virtual holiday anyone?), the lines between time and distance are getting blurred by actual and virtual experiences and our human emotions. 
 
“Time is an illusion”, said Albert Einstein… but considering how we have evolved and continue to evolve, if we think about it, distance could also be an illusion. ​

To some extent it would be our elders, parents, mentors, teachers and eventually our own conscience that plant seeds of ‘good and bad’ and ‘right or wrong’ in our minds. We are taught a lot of things when we are young and while growing up. These concepts could be influenced by cultural, societal, generational, familial factors and more.

As adults, our own interpretations of these teachings lead us to apply the learnings to our lives and decisions.

It’s estimated that an average adult makes about 35,000 semi-conscious decisions every day (Source: UNCTV).

Most of these (small decisions) will be based on automated responses by our subconscious, but some of the bigger decisions could require more thinking, weighing up of factors and perhaps having to tap into our belief systems, values, situation analysis, past experiences and more.

Sometimes we make bad decisions, which by the way are retrospective, as I don’t think most of us do things when we think it’s a bad idea.

When we’ve done something and the result is good: “well done for being brave”; if the result is bad: “why am I so stupid, what was I thinking?”. These may be a familiar chatter in our heads, with many of us having tendencies to find accountability for events, and if these are negative ones, feeling like blaming someone, something or even ourselves.

My Physics teacher once told me: 

Some may think that acceptance of situations is 'passive' behaviour, but it doesn't need to be. 

For instance we can accept our bodies for as big or small, tall or short that they are, but still work towards improving them. We can accept feeling our emotions and know that they are temporary and still get on with life when we are ready. We can accept rejection or failure one day, but also take notes on what you would like to improve and change in future. 

hangover
/ˈhaŋəʊvə/
noun
A severe headache or other after-effects caused by drinking an excess of alcohol.

​In all honesty, I had no idea what this meant before going to university. 

When I was around sixteen years old, I remember studying my older brother who was slouched on the sofa for an entire Saturday, without uttering more than a few words like: 'Pass me the remote'  or 'What's for dinner?' 

It puzzled me. What could have possibly happened that had the ability to turn someone into a vegetable, that isn't a serious illness? 

I asked my brother to explain himself, which appeared to be the only thing we could talk about that day and he told me that he was hungover. To me, this meant that someone is hanging over something... what was he hanging over except the sofa? 

Not long after, once I experienced Student Union bars, Happy Hours (that make you happy until the next morning), pounding headaches and what feels like a shrunken brain playing pin-ball within the boundaries of my skull... I can now define a hangover. 

bored
/bɔːd/
adjective
Feeling weary and impatient because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.

When I was bored as a child, I complained but did nothing about it. I got bored of studying, because I wasn't interested in the subject, or bored of being at a party because I had to play with all the other kids who were my parents' friends' children, whether we got along, or not. Sometimes everything was boring. 

What I didn't realise was that when we are bored, we are not doing something that interests us much (or at all) and we could look for something else, that does. In fairness, we didn't always have much say in deciding what we wanted to do back then, but as adults, we should look at boredom as an opportunity for learning, growth and exploring unexplored territories, interests that we never pursued and so on. 

For instance, I started srtravels.co.uk when I was bored and now I have confirmed my passion for writing and sharing my thoughts - even if it is about boredom itself! 

happy
/ˈhapi/
adjective
Feeling pleasure or contentment.

To some extent, I feel like I was happier as a child, in the sense that I worried less, enjoyed every moment that made me happy like having my favourite chocolate ice cream... and didn't let that become more than what it was: a temporary feeling. 

As adults, we may ask ourselves or others, perhaps more often than necessary: Are you happy? 

The answer could be based on that moment: yes, because my best friend is getting married, or no, because I just got robbed. But we could be inclined to dwell much deeper into the search for 'happiness' and start worrying unnecessarily if we are not happy all the time or most of the time. As human beings, and probably many other living creatures out there, we have good and bad days and ups and downs or else life would become uninteresting (i.e. boring: refer to point 2). 

On top of that, we start worrying about whether we will be happy in future if we did X, Y or Z. The reality is that we don't know, but we can make informed decisions to keep moving and take calculated risks so that we experience as much as we can, in this life.

In my blog about Work-Life balance, I mentioned a TED Talk by Emily Esfahani Smith who highlighted four 'pillars' to living a good or meaningful life: 

1. Belonging
2. Purpose
3. Transcendence 
4. Story-telling

Note that she doesn't call it a 'happy life', because maybe there isn't really such a thing?

stress 
/ˈstres/
noun
Pressure or tension exerted on an object or person. 

Stress balls were as far as my understanding of the word stress was before I stepped into my mid-twenties. 

To me, the implications of persistent stress can cause permanent damage to our mental and physical health, be it our bad posture resulting in muscle spasms or crazy working hours, which could slowly eat into our mental health.

Difficult situations and environments can put people through varying levels of stress. 

​According to the American Institute of Stress, there is good and bad stress. As shown in the diagram, increased stress could result in higher productivity, but only until a certain point, after which things could go downhill.

However, that turning point is different for individuals so we need to be alert to symptoms of when the mental stress is going from good to not-so-good (distress).

love
/lʌv/
noun
An intense feeling of deep affection.

At the age of two, I remember telling my mum, dad and brother: 'I labba you' and that was as far as love meant for me.

Since I was a toddler, I watched several movies, especially Bollywood movies, which are almost always love stories and I still didn't understand what all the fuss was about and why people did stupid things for someone they just met. 

For instance, a typical Bollywood plot in the '90's would involve a daughter of a rich man falling in love with a poor guy and when the parents are against the relationship, the daughter ditches her platonic love of twenty years and picks her romantic love of a month or so.
How ungrateful is that?  

Everyone has a different definition for love and some people may have amazing love stories of eloping and living happily ever after... however, personally I feel that romantic and platonic love should be held accountable on equal principles, with different types of 'feelings' associated to them. 

Romantic love is often described as being accompanied by 'butterflies', excitement, passion and desire, while platonic love is secure, comforting and probably a bit more boring. 

From what I have experienced, a combination of traits like the below are (or should be) common in either types of love: 

1. Respect
2. Trust
3. Reciprocity and being present (effort and time)
4. Honesty
5. Understanding

fear
/fɪə/
noun
An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

I still remember a recurrent nightmare that I used to have as a small child, of an angry brown bear that chased me down the stairs of an apartment block (like they do...). I was also afraid of spirits possessing my favourite baby dolls, to the point that I locked them up in a cupboard for several years and didn't go near them, thanks to a not-so-considerate uncle and his terrible horror stories. 

In my case, fear back then was based on superficial stories which disappeared over time as I came to realise how bears don't really like living in cities and spirits probably have better things to do than to haunt young children. 

Nowadays, I feel like fear is more about the future or about failure. This comes in different times and is amplified by situations, but there is an unseen level of societal pressure of living the 'perfect life', which could make a perfectly normal and successful person in their own rights, wonder if they're 'on track' or not as successful as others.

Sometimes we also try to predict our future and have fear about things not going as planned, when the reality is: we really don't know what will happen, even if we do everything we think is right to get the outcome we desire.

I covered this topic in more detail in my blog about freaking out. 

As an adult, I have been afraid of change (fear of lack of control), leaving past jobs (fear of failure), leaving relationships that didn't work (fear of being alone), traveling on my own (fear of safety)... but what I have noticed is that, for all of the things I have mentioned, once I found the courage to overcome that fear and move forward, good things came out of them and I was a much stronger person than I was before then. 

There are more philosophical discussions around the fear of death of ourselves or loved ones, but the only 'medicine' for this topic, with death being inevitable, is: acceptance of the impermanence of everything. 

These are just some words that I have learnt to explore a(nother) side to, over time, but who knows, the definitions could change again as we experience more of what life has to offer, molding our past and current understanding of words and the importance they hold in our vocabulary. 

noun
The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

Speaking of time, the one good thing that comes out of my long-haul plane journeys is the time to think about my next blog post. Over the years, I have observed the behaviour of others and myself and noticed a few things that I thought is worth taking the time to write about. 

Opportunity cost
Sometimes life does just come in the way: as we grow up, have new goals, duties, move around the world, get jobs, priorities change or we want to achieve new heights. All of which often result in even more responsibilities. The opportunity cost is often: our time. Although we are all apparently meant to live until 90 (so I have heard), we do not know how long we will actually live, so time is in fact limited, so we need to spend it wisely. Sorry to lower the tone... 

Prioritise
When you do not or cannot give something (or someone) your time, it is worth asking yourself if you have genuinely prioritised them in your life in the first place. Sometimes, we are genuinely spread thin and it is impossible to give our time to others or our long to-do lists, but a routine check is always helpful when it comes to ensuring we do not neglect vital people or duties etc. with further consequences. 

Physical vs. Virtual time
Sometimes beggars cannot be choosers. We all know that there is nothing better than a good catch up with someone close to us, in person (in most cases), but some contact is better than none, right? 

Despite how much the media and even mobile software tell us to get off our phones and minimise screen-time, technology has enabled us to stay close to people, much faster. Whether it is one emoji or GIF or photo via instant messages, text messages (for those dinosaurs out there), video or audio calls, we have plenty of ways to share our time with those we would like to (or have to). Although it is not quite as having dinner with someone or the hand-written letter from your grandma, it is something. 

'ME' time
If we look at the time we give ourselves, I know at least three people who have gym memberships for several months, but have not been more than a few times. Apart from being a total waste of money, it shows how they are not giving time to themselves or their plans to get fitter or healthier (or generally feel good). 

noun
Purpose.
adjective
Determined to do (something).

​Where there is a will, there is a way. 
This modified version of a proverb from the 1600s was hammered into our heads by our father, when my brother and I were growing up. 

It is true, though.

If you really want to make an effort with a project, a challenge, a person or relationship... you will do everything you can to make it happen. If you become complacent about it, and your intent is weak, it probably will not happen or may not happen soon, and if it happens, it may not be that great.

The reason behind that could be that the intention was not strong enough, or was not really there in the first place.

noun
The process of doing something, typically to achieve an aim.

We need to have the intention to give time, then we need to act in order to make things happen. Whether it involves keeping our loved ones happy, or becoming healthier, getting a promotion, changing our lives around to do what we love, we can act on it by:

1. Writing it down;
2. Giving ourselves a deadline;
3. Doing something about it. 

When someone prints out a list of flights for your next trip and leaves it on the table, or cooks your favourite dish the day you come back from a long journey, or bakes you cake when you are sad, or puts your name on their university coursework when they know how busy you are interviewing for a job... they are acting on their intentions to give you their time. 

They do not always have to come to you and say: Look what I do for you. They just do it. They act. 

To conclude, I hope I have been able to go slightly beyond stating the obvious, that when we seriously want something, or someone, or for something to happen, we should do anything except nothing.

The equation is simple:

Time + Intention + Action = Outcome

Recently, when we were video calling my brother in Dubai, he said that his two-year old walked into a room, saw too many children, screamed in disgust and said: Bye Bye. This is how my nephew is able to clearly communicate what he wants to walk away from.

As we grow older, and especially if you live in the U.K. and adopt the usual British diplomacy, saying no or walking away from things and people you are not sure you like, is probably not done as often as it should be. 

Knowing when to stop, or when to stop someone, when to say no, all of these could help minimise complexity and negativity in our lives. Without realising, being nice can prolong dysfunctional projects or relationships. Selfishly speaking, anything that we think affects us negatively, we should be cut-throat about and aim to eventually ween them out of our lives. From personal experience, I feel like I have had situations where I built up anger towards people, situations and even myself, which could have been avoided if I just walked away earlier, or just said no.

I stole this from Legally Blonde 2, which is about a lawyer who is stereotyped as a Blonde but is actually intelligent in her ways. She mentions in a classic chick-flick style speech, that the reason for her bad haircut at a salon was not the fault of the stylist, but her own. She could have involved herself earlier in the process, trusted herself in what she wants and spoken up to stop the stylist from ruining her hair. 

This applies to manicures, pedicures, massages and everything else we pay for but do not necessarily get the best service out of. I know I sometimes still say it's fine when a masseuse asks if the pressure is ok, when I am actually in borderline pain (I am working on it). There have also been times when a beautician would file my nails unevenly and I would not say anything because I would just bear with it and do it myself later. In my mind, I would rather not make the situation uncomfortable then, even if it would make me angry later.

This is something I need to learn from my dad.

In restaurants I wish any waiter luck when they ask him how his meal was, if I know my dad really did not like it. He tells people, to their face, that their service was not up to scratch. But often I notice that people appreciate honesty and take feedback on board, while my dad does not build up any negative feelings in his mind as a customer. 

Although, he has also told one restaurant manager that he won't be coming back again, which perhaps I will never do, but it does make me laugh.

We all love a checklist, right? This article highlights s 10 signs that you may be ready to let go and calls those that make you cry: Onions.

1. Feeling undervalued
2. Settling for less
3. Exhaustion
4. Loss of joy
5. Scared of change (and loss)
6. Regularly sad
7. Feeling trapped
8. Living in the past
9. Not putting yourself first
10. Low expectations

I can talk about this now, but in my previous job I was feeling almost all of the above for about a year, which is a long time, but it could have been longer if I didn't take some action. It's crystal clear now, but it wasn't then. Until I resigned, I did not know how much being at the wrong job, five days a week, was sucking my energy and life out of me. To the outside world, and with the help of social media, I was living my life and traveling, drinking, socialising. But all of these activities, as much as I still love them, were only helping me avoid what I was feeling about myself. In this case the onion was in fact my job. 

Applying this to relationships and friendships, there have been times when I bottled up a lot of things that I have wanted to say to someone, when certain things about their behaviour annoyed me, or when they were crossing the line. The end result has usually been a delayed emotional outburst or arguments, and sometimes they had no a clue about how I had been feeling. 

My view is that when there is an imbalance in the effort put into a relationship, or if someone has crossed the line more than once, you should not refrain from telling them how their behaviour made you feel, as soon as possible, in the right moment, calmly and politely (not after 20 years). If possible, a healthy discussion, face to face or at least a phone call, could clarify whether either of you are willing to look into your actions to make the relationship work.

Personally, I find writing emails or text messages easier to articulate, but this has backfired a few times, and it's inevitable that the other person may misinterpret what I wrote. Texting is never ideal, but my opinion is that communication is better than not saying anything at all. 

Having said that, if we can see and feel that a relationship has lost its base, is broken, hurtful and doesn't involve mutual trust and respect, maybe it's time to say Bye Bye â€‹in the interest of everyone involved. 

I will caveat the below with the fact that I truly respect those who have the dedication and will power to challenge them to do physical challenges like marathons, triathlons, mountain climbing or train for competitive sports and so on. Especially if you're a crazy French Spiderman (Alain Robert) who free climbs skyscrapers like Burj Khalifa. 
​
By all means, if anyone is passionate about something, there probably is not a better feeling than achieving certain goals related to it. However, what I have now learnt about myself and what I disagree with is: trying to physically challenge myself because others are doing it, or they expect me to, or because I want to fit in, or I want to prove something to the world... etc.

It is good to push ourselves, but not at the expense of what we really value for ourselves. For example, I wanted to do something to mark my 30th birthday so I decided to attempt to climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. I am glad I trained for it, attempted it, and enjoyed my journey up. However, on the last day (summit day) I struggled to breathe and I was close to crying in frustration that I cannot even take a few steps. In that moment I decided to turn back. I could not give myself a single reason why I should put myself through the self-imposed torture (emotional and physical) to get to the top. What was I trying to prove and to whom? 

No doubt, if I made it to the summit on that day, it would have been an amazing feeling. But in that moment in time, I said Bye Bye to the situation and did what I wanted to do (go to my tent and sleep, and no I am not a lazy person).

You can make many meanings out of this, but I had to maintain the PG rating of this website. 

This was something our guide, Fabio in Peru said to me, looking bemused when I asked him if we needed to dress up in smart clothes to go to a certain bar in Lima: F*** that Sh*t. Ever since then, it has become a regular thing I say to myself when something or someone is not worth a headache. In kinder words: Bye Bye. Try it, it feels good and is liberating. We rocked up at the fancy bar in our usual 'holiday clothes' which for me involved my fading t-shirt, capris and sports sandals. We had a great night! Thanks Fabio!

There is a Bollywood movie called 3 Idiots (and yes, they do start singing and dancing, but within context...sort of). The movie has a strong message about pursuing what you truly love and you will probably be very good at it (eventually).

For instance, where I am in my career is probably a hybrid of what I love and do not love. It is a combined result of my interest in marketing and being taught to be practical.

The linear models for education and career paths have been suggested to every other child for generations. For example, having a real job to many parents would include being a Doctor, Banker, Engineer, Lawyer, etc., which is great if you genuinely love sciences, maths, law, etc. But if you really do not and instead you love singing, painting, writing, running, pottery etc., whether it's now or in ten or twenty years, you should consider saying Bye Bye to what you do not love and say Hi to what you do love. 

It is something I am telling myself and I know it is harder than it sounds and may involve foregoing elements of my current lifestyle and money. I am not sure if I am brave (or stupid) enough to quit my job and become a painter, but maybe being in the middle of my career, a fine balance would be to have a flexible job doing what I do not mind, to make more time for things I love doing i.e.: travelling, painting, photography, swimming, writing and eating! 

I am guilty of this myself: filling up my diary with something to do for most of the week after work and ending up stressed, tired and grumpy. I have gotten better with cancelling and declining meetings (or 'tentatively accepting' which basically means, I won't show up). Being busy gives me a buzz and I love meeting new people and sharing ideas and talking in general, but being too busy can cause stress, anxiety, depression, headaches, insomnia... and in extreme cases heart attacks! Having a good social and professional life is great for our personal growth, but not to the expense of our physical and mental health. 

Here's a few things I plan to say Bye Bye to:

• Unfulfilling jobs 
• Bad service
• Unnecessary meetings
• Physical challenges that I really don't enjoy e.g. Running 
• Pretentious places 
• My commute 
• Selfish people
• People who make me feel worse 
• Large WhatsApp 'group chats' 
• Crowded places 
• Eating, drinking and socialising out of politeness

Everyone has priorities in life which are unique to them, so what you bring to your life or remove from it, whether it is a situation, a person, a job, your colleagues, your boss, your fears, challenges, qualifications, labels, tasks, or even yourself - is all in your hands. We just need to learn when to say Bye Bye.

ugly
ˈʌɡli/
adjective

1. unpleasant, especially in appearance (in the eyes of the beholder).

The BBC cartoon: Ugly Ducking has been teaching children life lessons since it was first written in 1805. 

The Plot: a loving duck-couple is expecting a number of baby ducks and when they all hatch, there's one duckling that looks: different. Not ugly, but just different. However, the duck-parents disown this 'ugly' duckling, who then travels around the ponds and jungles, looking for people who would just accept it and be its friends. It was searching for somewhere to call home, but fails repetitively.
The 'ugly' duckling is obviously heart broken and feels ugly, unloved and has nowhere that it belongs.
Until one day, other ducklings who look and behave just like it, turn up and welcome it to the family. The 'not-so-ugly-anymore-duckling' finally regains its confidence, feels loved and realises its worth and starts living its life happily.
Meanwhile the duck-couple who rejected this duckling for being ugly (different), notice that it's found friends, and accept its existence. Not like the duckling cared anymore...

I don't know about you, but apart from my heart going out to this sad, lonely (fictional) duckling, I can personally pin point quite a few parts of the story to reality. 

Ducks aside, humans can be shallow. Whether its generations of building up images in our minds on who is beautiful and who is not, or just our preconceptions... we judge. Since 1995, online dating has been commercialising our shallowness. Nowadays we can take a whole 2 seconds to swipe left at the first sight of 'unpleasant' or 'ugly'. Meanwhile, the health and beauty brand: Dove fights back with their Self-Esteem Project for adults and children. 

Children can go through a lot of self-doubt while growing up, leading to possible health risks from skipping meals or even being accustomed to bullying and mental pressure and even depression... just because they're different. According to Dove, 9 out of 10 girls in the UK have low body esteem. We can blame media as much as we want, models, celebrities, the internet, or Instagram, but we can't change what is. 

It all starts with acceptance. Over the years, I have personally tried to embrace being different by accepting my 'flaws' as part of who I am. I've had a huge complex about my teeth, my height, my weight... the usual deal for many. But with time I have learned to accept it (or work with what I have). Only then, was I able to build on my confidence and most importantly, I stopped comparing myself endlessly to the rest of the world. This doesn't mean that I sit on the couch and eat all the food I want and walk out of the house with no make up and frumpy clothes (okay, sometimes...). I believe in being the best version of myself, and then loving that version of me.

If we work on improving our own image of ourselves, respect our efforts to be our best, we feel better and the same life will start looking beautiful again. When the 'ugly' duckling wandered around and was reassured of its beauty as a duckling, it finally started to see the same life it has, differently.

In short, be the Swan that you are! 

We can feel lost if we don't know where we belong.
​
In a TED Talk: 'There's more to life than being happy', according to Emily Esfahani Smith, 'Belonging' is one of the four virtual pillars of a 'happy life'. Personally, I know when I am at home or with my family, I feel safe and at peace. There's no judgement, no make up, no fashionable attire and yet there's warmth and a welcoming feeling. Family for everyone is different. For some, family is not always blood-related. It could include your colleagues, friends, dog... it's where the heart is. Home is also where you reflect, feel grounded and recharge on your confidence, self-worth and energy to deal with the Big Bad World out there. 

According to Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh, a well-known Buddhist saint, the four qualities of true love are: 

1. Understanding
2. Compassion
3. Joy (to ourselves and the ones we love)
4. Equanimity (nonattachment, non-discrimination, even-mindedness, or letting go). 

Clearly, the duck-couple who rejected the little duckling, had none of these four qualities and unfortunately, the world has quite a few people who don't have these traits to share true love.

If the duckling never ventured out to look for a home or friends, and decided to cry to its own misery in a corner of the jungle, it would never have known its worth and wouldn't have learnt about different types of ducks and birds around the ponds. It would not have found its family either. 

Travel brings us insight, opens our minds to appreciate different places, people, nature, food and ourselves. So occasionally, if we get 'lost' in life or during a journey, we can see where it takes us and try to learn from the journey, rather than despise everything and avoid the whole ordeal altogether. 

Stop caring.

The sooner you stop caring, whether its about what your neighbours or distant relatives would think about your career choice, what your colleagues would think about how you work, or how much fellow commuters stare at you for wearing your favourite bright yellow dress... the sooner you will do more things that make you happy and become a better version of you. 

The little duckling was only just born to find out it was unwanted by those who looked at it as different to them. However, with some wandering, some rejection, acceptance and some life experience, it would have known whose 'judgement' to take on board e.g. the opinion of close family members or friends who show it true love, versus the shallow opinion of others, who don't matter. 

And while you're at it, why not commercialise this story as a TV advert for a car brand? (Well done Audi!)