NEWNESS

new
/njuː/
adjective

1. produced, introduced, or discovered for the first time; not existing before.

​There’s something about new possessions, places, phases in life and even people. We could be subject to some uncertainty, nervousness and unfamiliarity, maybe even excitement and curiosity, or all of the above. Then there's the possible inertia, comfort or grief of leaving the 'old'. Life is full of change, so how could we navigate and accept how we feel about the transition from 'old' to 'new'? 

POSSESIONS

When I replace something I have, I often feel like there’s an adjustment period of getting used to the newness, differences, benefits, some inconveniences or flaws... and sometimes comparison between the old and new. 
 
For example, my first car. Nothing can replace the fact that it's my first, even if the new one gives a smoother ride, has better fuel consumption, fewer breakdowns, looks better, I will always have a place in my heart for my first one. But over time, once I got used to my new one, I started to like it too (differently).

Whether I needed to replace my car, is a different question as the answer is probably: No. I probably don't even need a car, but it does make my life a bit easier and more comfortable.  

With more regular objects, such as electronics, clothing, shoes and even children's toys, I'm pretty sure that in most of our households we are subject to urges to get "a new one". A new toy, new T-shirt, new shoes or the latest iPhone 2000. And there's always loyalty schemes or platforms like Amazon for all the things we genuinely need and the things we think we need.

With the increasing concerns over the impact of consumerism on the environment, we hear more about the piles of unwanted plastic and clothes found on the shores, with the World Bank linking the apparel and textile industry as a main case of water pollution and potential cause for the microplastics found in the aquaculture, some of which a lot of us consume and hence have in our own bodies (Forbes.com). 

Therefore, there is a balance that needs to be made between replacing old things and getting new ones. I do hope that over time we all think a bit more about our individual decisions to obtain new things and how we feel about them before we buy them, to try and minimise waste and of course, the guilt or regret. Or can we try to be more content with what we already have? ​

travel

When we travel to new places, we could be faced with trying to understand and learn new words in new languages, differences in how people speak, behave, eat and drink or party. We can become open to learning and opening our minds to new cultures, religions and even how the landscapes of different parts of the world vary, from the canyons in Colca Canyon in Peru to the Kalahari Desert in Africa, to the Himalayas in Asia. 

We are also exposed to learning about the history of these new places and how things were in the olden days, what people of the countries went through to appreciate how they have evolved. 

PEOPLE

​There’s often excitement when you meet new people with whom you have things in common with or had really interesting conversations or fun experiences with. Whether those new connections and relationships are formed and sustained is one thing, but they're probably not comparable with our good old friends. My ‘old friends’ (not by age) make me feel like I’m at home, I am very much my authentic self around them, and I don't need to explain myself as often. Sometimes we don’t even need to talk, and we communicate! Having said that, I think it's healthy to keep an open mind to meeting new people, but also appreciate and make time for our old ones. 

If and when we choose to enter a new romantic relationship we could feel hope, excitement, joy or even confusion, doubt, comparison with others. While we learn about this new person, we try to understand who they are, how we feel about them - while they do the same, and over time we realise how compatible we are with them (or not). There's also an adjustment period of getting used to the newness, differences and commonalities.

Maybe your first love (if applicable) or the "love of your life" from the past has left an impression on you for a while, or for a long time, or you had forgotten about them completely until you read this. While reflecting on an old flame can remind us of what we have learnt, we should try not to dwell in the past. The more we can focus on the present, the more we can learn about the people in our lives now, based on who we are today. And if your first love is your current love today, that’s great. But if not, you probably learnt a thing or two about yourself. 

Unlike possessions, we can't buy and sell relationships (well, not the good ones at least). We could build relationships over time, with hope, honesty, trust, respect, shared experiences and mutual goals. Old and new relationships don't need to be mutually exclusive... in most cases!

JOBS

Finding a new job can be daunting but also exciting if it's the right role for us, and if we understand what the job could entail.

As a graduate, my key motivator to look for a job was: to have a job and get paid. 

However, finding a new job and changing roles after some time in our careers could be a big deal as we may feel like we have more at stake, especially if we’ve spent time and effort building connections, networks, credibility, friends… so the decision can be one that requires regular review and a “CBA” (cost benefit analysis).
 
If we have a job that makes us unhappy or not challenged professionally for a long period of time, the thought of a new job could be appealing.  Whereas, if and when we are comfortable in our current jobs, we could periodically check-in with ourselves to see if the current job fulfils us versus the potential benefits of a new one, depending on the job market and how we are meeting the needs of other aspects of our lives. While there may be familiarity in the current job, there may be new and exciting opportunities in a new one. It's certainly not a decision to make in haste. 

If you work for any entity at the moment, in a previous article about 'work-life' balance, I highlighted some key areas to check-in on your current levels of satisfaction in your job: 

1. Your impact: Do you feel like you experience personal growth in your role and contribute on a regular basis to the goals and needs of the team and company? 
2. Belonging: Can you take ownership of tasks and projects, and do you feel part of a team and are you engaged? 
3. Well-being: Do you have job security, financial security, a work-life balance and good allowance to maintain your mental and physical health? 

 
And if these seem like too much work, maybe we just need to go with our gut feel to stick with the 'old' and known or look into the 'new' and unfamiliar, but possibly exciting. 

our bodies 

On Channel 4 there's a show called 'Naked Attraction' which at first, made my jaw drop while mindlessly changing the TV channels. But when I thought about it, there was something liberating about the show. For those not familiar, it's a dating show where one person gets to see others in their 'birthday suits', one section at a time, bottom up. Irrespective of whether that's an effective way to find love, I thought it's a brilliant way to illustrate how different people's bodies are, with age, race, gender, genetics, personal choices on tattoos, grooming, piercing etc. Everyone is so unique and the brave souls going on this show are embracing it. 

I also enjoy watching the show 'Botched' - where some people want a new nose, new implants, new lips... or a whole new body. Whereas their existing bodies were often perfectly functional, and probably healthier. Obviously, some people need professional help to fix physical conditions that are affecting their lives more negatively, which is understandable, but evidently everyone has a different classification of needs. 

With the more frequent aches and pains in my back, shoulders, knees, hips even in my mid-thirties, I find myself increasingly grateful for when I am able to be mobile and do things I enjoy, such as: going for a nice walk, swim or cycle, or just be able to move around without constraints.

If we keep thinking of what we lack in our bodies, instead of what we are blessed to have, we could find ourselves feeling more fulfilled, grateful, confident and prepared for the transitions our bodies naturally make as we grow older... and hopefully embrace them through childhood, adolescence and adulthood. 

LIFE PHASES

When we go through different phases of life, from birth to death to gains to losses, relocation or changes in responsibilities, we could reflect on how we have grown from who and how we were before and what the transitions to new phases could have taught us. 

I remember whenever I joined a new school (which was quite frequent, as we moved around a lot due to my father's job), I had to face unfamiliarity, a level of nervousness and not knowing if I would make friends, if my classmates and teachers would like me, would I "fit in"? I still have a sudden flashback to that feeling, a pang of anxiety, when I go to a large social event where I don't know many people, or a new job, or join a tour with a group of strangers when travelling. Despite the initial discomfort, I found it useful to allow myself to accept my feelings and fears and slowly ease myself into conversations, without forcing anything. Adapting to new people has been something I learnt from these situations and phases. 

Going back to relationships, those who go into relationships or come out of one, most often go into facing changes in routine, priorities, social plans. People who become parents or even get a new pet could face similar challenges on top of added responsibilities and even limitations to what they used to be able to do before then, such as get enough sleep! People who have retired, could wonder what to do with their extra time and find new projects or finally think about spending time doing things they love and spend their savings and pension money on. 

No matter what phase we go into, if we could try to look at our old phases as 'lessons' or steppingstones to where we are or will be, we could accept the old and the new versions of us on a more regular basis. 

conclusions

I hope we can look at the old and new versions of many aspects in our lives with an open mind, have gratitude for what we had and have, try to be adaptable and keep learning.  
 
We can learn from both the old and the new, no matter what or whom that applies to.